I struggle to identify my feelings at times. This guide is here to help you to explore and understand your emotions in a way that reflects how your brain works.
There is no ‘wrong’ way to feel or process emotions.
✅ Step 1: Check the Signals First
Autistic people often experience emotions physically before recognising them mentally. Check for signs like a racing heart, tight chest, upset stomach, or nausea. These sensations are emotional clues. Try asking yourself, “What was happening just before this started?”
🛠️ Step 2: Use Tools to Translate
You don’t have to guess. Use emotion wheels, feelings charts, or apps like Moodnotes or Daylio to help you name what you are feeling. These tools should help you to build emotional vocabulary over time.
⏸️ Step 3: Pause the Self-Judgment
You might have been told that your emotions are ‘too much’ or not valid. This is just not true. All feelings are real and valid: even if you don’t understand them yet. Even if you feel numb, blank or overwhelmed, that’s valid too.
👀 Step 4: Look for Context
Stop to ask yourself, “What just happened?” Were you interrupted? Ignored? Overloaded? Identifying the situation can help you to make sense of how you’re feeling. Emotions often make more sense when connected to events.
💭 Step 5: Think in Your Style
Not everyone connects with their feelings through words. Try using drawings, patterns, metaphors, or timelines. If you’re a visual or logical thinker, try to express your emotions in your natural style: like colours, shapes or even weather patterns.
👷♀️ Step 6: Practice with Safe People
Talking to someone that you trust can help. Sometimes emotions become clearer through conversation. You might realise how you feel only after reflecting or getting gentle feedback from someone else.
⏳ Step 7: Expect Delayed Emotions
It’s very common for autistic people to feel things hours or days later, and to keep feeling them for weeks or months. You don’t need to respond instantly. Say, “I’m not sure how I feel yet, I’ll need some time to think about this.” That is a valid response.
Helpful Tools & Ideas
The Zones of Regulation ( a colour coded emotion system)
Mood journals (paper or app based)
‘The Autism & Emotions Workbook’ by Yenn Purkis
‘Unmasking Autism‘ by Devon Price
Make a feelings chart using your own interests
Apps such as Moodnotes and Daylio
Final Thoughts
Understanding emotions isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about learning your inner language; so that you can communicate and care for yourself. You are allowed to feel, and you deserve to understand your emotions in a way that makes sense to YOU.
You’re not broken: you are just wired differently. And that is okay!
