Autism is not what I thought it was…
I had never considered that I could be autistic. Over the years I have met a number of Autistic people at our Taekwondo School, mostly young boys, I was not like them…
It all began with a random conversation with my uncle in November 2022. He mentioned that my dad used to eat chicken pie for dinner every day when he still lived at home. That’s strange, I thought, but then he went on to tell me how my dad as a teenager 15 or 16, I think, bought himself a secondhand motor bike. When he got it home he took it apart, stripped down every component, it was in pieces. All the pieces were left laying around and after about 6 months, my granddad had enough of it and told him to sort it all out or he’d throw it away. Dad went out to the shed, put the whole thing back together and it worked.
I was stunned at the thought of someone being able to do that. ‘Maybe he was autistic’ I say in an offhand way, ‘Oh for sure’ says my uncle. Then the conversation changed topic, but the thought stayed with me. I am very much like my dad was. Solitary, quiet, not many friends etc. If my dad was autistic, what about me? My uncle is a retired psychologist, this made his passing comment mean much more to me.
After our Skype call finished, I googled ‘Autism Test’ and found some pages, I picked a couple of tests and got ‘strong to moderate’ results. Well autism clearly isn’t just what I think it is then is it?
That weekend I’m going out for a meal with my husband, best friend and her husband. I tell my best friend about the result of my autism test, ‘that explains a lot’, was her reply. She’s known me for over 35 years at this point, so I think her comment means much more to me too.
The following week, my daughter who works in Social Care is sent on an Autism training course, I’d told her about the test I’d done. She texted me ‘I’m half an hour into my training and I’ve already confirmed your diagnosis lol!’
Now I go on YouTube, I buy books, I read web pages. 2 months in I’m convinced I’m autistic.
Another 2 months later, (February 2023) I’ve finally got to see my GP, he agrees to refer me for an NHS assessment. The waiting list is long. In April I see a girl on TikTok, which I almost never use, say that with Right To Choose, I can be referred to Psychiatry UK, with a much shorter waiting list. I email my GP and ask to be referred there. Which they do 2 days later.
I eventually got an appointment for September 2023, so I had the interim 4 months to continue my research. And of course I am now fixated on Autism research.
I had an anxiety attack of some kind before my appointment, and must have looked bad as the Psychiatrist asked me if I was alright!
I got diagnosed, she didn’t need me to make a second appointment or consult with her colleagues. I am Autistic. I was happy I was right, but sad I had struggled with so many things all my life and no one knew, not even me.
If you think life feels tough, conversation turn taking is confusing, socialising is stressful, telephone calls are anxiety inducing, finding things you like to eat is tough, smells induce headaches, lights hurt your eyes, or any of the many many more sensory sensitivities affect you, do an Autism test online, it could explain your life too, knowledge really is power, you could take more control of your life. I have.
