I think emojis are a godsend. I struggle to show and understand my emotions and it is no surprise to me that emojis were created by a Japanese man. Japan is one of my special interests and I can see surface similarities between Japanese culture and Autistic behaviour.
In Japan people are very reserved and try not to stand out from the crowd or to cause anyone else any kind of inconvenience. As an autistic person, I try not to stand out or to cause anyone any inconvenience. The only problem is autistic people are often not very good at blending in, no matter how well we mask or camouflage.
For some reason that I don’t understand I often feel like I really am inconveniencing people, even when it is my goal to be left alone. If I go somewhere and don’t want a seat or a drink for example, this often seems to put people out. I feel like my need to be independent and to not bother other people, really does seem to throw people off and in fact often gets me more attention.
The thought of ‘being perceived’ is really distressing to me. I don’t want attention and I don’t understand why I can’t just be ignored as I’d like. Ideally I would just be able to stay in my house every day, but unfortunately I do have to go out sometimes. Obviously I try to be polite and interact with people if they speak to me.
I never start a conversation. I will respond if someone speaks to me and I have learned not to answer accurately if someone asks if I’m okay. Small talk is weird and uncomfortable and I could really do without it in my life. The deeper and more meaningful the better.
Tell me something interesting, teach me something new and I’ll be one very happy AutisticNana Nana!
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