Being diagnosed late in life has led to imposter syndrome. If you haven’t yet heard of this it means I basically feel like a fraud. How could I have lived 50 years without realising I was Autistic? Right?
But in reality I always knew I was different. I had one version of myself at home and another in public. As a young child I didn’t think about it at all, away from home I became the silent watcher. I barely spoke. Mum said ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all’. Maybe I took this too literally, or maybe I was just trying to work out how the other people knew what to do and say.
As I teenager, I gave up trying to work it out. I didn’t care about fashion and makeup. I didn’t socialise, didn’t drink and didn’t smoke. I used to write ‘I am me’ on my school books. I knew I was not like the other girls. Now I know why.
Leave a comment